You Just Gotta Want It

About a month ago, I woke up and came to the following realization: “I want to be a better me, I want to be a happier me.”

See at that point in my life, I wasn’t very “happy” but I also wasn’t depressed. Life was just a series of things to get through, go to class, go to work, study, and go out every once in a while. For the most part, I was very self-conscious in the things that I said and did, making it hard to be 100% myself. I don’t even know who 100% myself is yet because I had become so accustomed to feeling self-conscious. Plus, lets just say I did some unhealthy things, and was planning on quitting. So I figured, why not start a “Life-Cleanse?” Not just physically but also something internal to shift my perspective and change my attitude to a more positive one.

As awful as it is to say, I tend to be a natural pessimist or a “harsh realist”, so whenever something happens, the first thought that comes to my mind is “what do I do if it doesn’t work out?” half assuming that it won’t work out. I very badly wanted to change this way of thinking as well. And so I started the Life Cleanse. First, I stopped unhealthy habits cold turkey and started working out on a regular basis. Being about 105 lb., I obviously didn’t start working out to lose weight, but to tone and feel good about myself. And it worked. I would start my day with going to the gym about 4-5 times a week and would feel so much better about myself as the day went on. This created a domino effect and made me feel good about myself on the inside, as well. Next, I wanted to become more efficient and productive. And in getting more things done and not procrastinating as much, it boosted my attitude even more. Third, I wanted to surround myself with people and things that made me feel good. And if I couldn’t help in doing that 24/7, I wanted to avoid the negative people in my life, or people who don’t make me feel good about myself and rather uncomfortable and awkward.

I even picked up an old hobby I had abandoned and started reading again. This turned out to feel very therapeutic and soothing. My perspective has shifted immensely since then and it has only been a month. Everyone around me was very impressed and supportive, yet surprised that I am still sticking to my “Life-Cleanse” and even started a blog to top things off!

Looking back at things, I feel like I was somehow trapped in my own mind. I was insecure in who I was and had trouble with feeling inferior to others. However, I feel like a big part of that was all in my head. I wanted a stronger presence and this only comes when you were comfortable with who you are, know you where you’re going and who you are striving to be.

Yes I did get an amazing opportunity from my family who sent me halfway across the world to go to college and I appreciate that and am very grateful. But with that comes a lot of responsibility and courage. I believe moving away has made a positive effect overall on me but it also presented its downsides. Imagine being thrown in a country where you don’t know anyone saying “Ok off you go, see ya in 4 years!” That was what basically happened (more or less) but it has made me a better and stronger person in the end.

I still have my down moments when I ask myself “what am I doing?” or “this is never going to last.” These feelings are quickly replaced by positive and reinforcing ones, which is something I am slowly but surely getting used to. I am coming to terms with this not new, but rather improved version of myself.

What I’m trying to say is, all you gotta do is want it and that will prompt you to work for it. Really, there is no big secret or complicated formula. You.just.have.to.want.it. When you do something positive, you will feel positive. When you feel positive, you will want to do more and try more, and it becomes a cycle. The bonus part is that people will also feel positive when they are around you; especially the ones you care about the most. 🙂

Think about it, what is one thing you want to change about yourself to help you be a better, happier you? After all, we are all essentially a “work in progress.” If you’ve had a similar experience as I have, please share it below! I wanted to give a little insight on how my Life-Cleanse came about to inspire and support others who want to do their own version, or are in the process of one, like me. 🙂

Bisous

-SH

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