“You’re about to confront someone.
You’ve rehearsed everything you wanted to say and it sounds fantastic.
You approach that person, and suddenly you feel butterflies in your stomach and you start forgetting everything you rehearsed.
You feel frustrated for not saying everything you wanted.
As you walk away, you start remembering the things you’ve rehearsed.
You start coming up with points you should have made.
This was my thought process not too long ago and I’m sensing that I’m not alone in this (I hope not!)
Confrontation can be a difficult thing to many people. I, for one, used to dread (and still sometimes do)confrontations with people, especially ones I was not particularly comfortable with. I even had a hard time confronting people who I WAS comfortable with.
To put it bluntly, I just hated it.
Very often when you are confronting a person about something that has been bothering or upsetting you, and if like me, you hate them, your nerves get the best of you and you eventually lose the point you’re trying to make. The reason why I call it an “Art” is because it takes a lot to confront someone in a civil and polite way, understand each other, get your points across, AND come to a conclusion on the issue at hand.
But confrontation is an important thing to do when necessary, as it is a sign of maturity. It is also a great communication tool. As you get older, you will have to confront people at your work place, family members, friends, S/O, etc. And as much as you hate having them, you will be thanking yourself later.
Gone are the days of being tacky, high school-like, catty, gossipy and nervous to confront people with something that bothers you. In this post I will lay down some tricks that will have you become a pro at confrontations in no time!
What you need to do/know before you confront someone:
Confronter=you Confrontee=person you’re confronting
1. Try to do it in person. If time/location prohibits you to do so, then e-mail is fine. I don’t personally believe in text/internet confrontations because you lose that personal connection and often many things that are said can be misinterpreted which can lead to bigger issues.
**If it is a business/formal confrontation, having it written (like e-mail) is usually best. This makes it recorded and avoids “he-said she-saids” If you can, try to do both in person/written ones**
2. Be confident, do not let the nerves get the best of you! If you’re at fault, own it. If you feel that the confrontee is at fault, express your concerns in a calm and civil way. This will make them more comfortable and susceptible to opening up to you and treating you in the same way. 🙂
3. Listen to the confrontee and give them time to speak. Just as you want your voice to be heard, they want theirs to be heard as well. If something needs clarification on their part then DEFINITELY let them speak! Don’t ramble on about yourself and how you feel without giving them room to say anything. Chances are, they will get frustrated with you and it may not end well.
4. Make sure you are calm and in a good place before approaching them! Especially if it’s regarding a heated issue. Too many times I have confronted people out of anger and it did not end well. You say things you don’t mean and usually get crazy eyes(or maybe that’s just me? Yikes!). Acting on impulse is the worst thing you can do for yourself. Make sure you give yourself enough time to let things settle and simmer before you approach them. This is probably the hardest thing to do, but practice makes perfect.
5. Be willing to compromise and be accountable for things you said/did. Yes you feel certain things for justified reasons, and yes you are on a mission to express those feelings but at the end of the day communication is a two-way street. In order to solve something you must be willing to compromise and take responsibility. Of course this is easier said than done but you gotta give your ego a break sometimes!
Follow these 5 tips and you’re golden. And also remember at the end of the day, we’re all human. You’re not perfect. The other person isn’t perfect. But you’re all human, so cut them some slack when need be and don’t sweat the small stuff. Pick your “confrontations” (because they’re not battles lmao) and you’ll be set.
I hope this helps and puts things into perspective! Do you guys have any other tips/tricks on confrontations? Or perhaps an instance where you lost it/maintained perfect poise and composure? I would love to hear your advice and experiences!