be you

The Art of Confrontation

“You’re about to confront someone.
You’re nervous.
You’re sweating.
You’ve rehearsed everything you wanted to say and it sounds fantastic.
You approach that person, and suddenly you feel butterflies in your stomach and you start forgetting everything you rehearsed.
Confrontation ends.
You feel frustrated for not saying everything you wanted.
As you walk away, you start remembering the things you’ve rehearsed.
You start coming up with points you should have made.
Damnit!”

A little fun fact about this common phenomenon

A little fun fact about this common phenomenon

This was my thought process not too long ago and I’m sensing that I’m not alone in this (I hope not!)
Confrontation can be a difficult thing to many people. I, for one, used to dread (and still sometimes do)confrontations with people, especially ones I was not particularly comfortable with. I even had a hard time confronting people who I WAS comfortable with.

To put it bluntly, I just hated it.

Very often when you are confronting a person about something that has been bothering or upsetting you, and if like me, you hate them, your nerves get the best of you and you eventually lose the point you’re trying to make. The reason why I call it an “Art” is because it takes a lot to confront someone in a civil and polite way, understand each other, get your points across, AND come to a conclusion on the issue at hand.

But confrontation is an important thing to do when necessary, as it is a sign of maturity. It is also a great communication tool. As you get older, you will have to confront people at your work place, family members, friends, S/O, etc. And as much as you hate having them, you will be thanking yourself later.

Confrontation

Gone are the days of being tacky, high school-like, catty, gossipy and nervous to confront people with something that bothers you. In this post I will lay down some tricks that will have you become a pro at confrontations in no time!
What you need to do/know before you confront someone:

Confronter=you Confrontee=person you’re confronting

1. Try to do it in person. If time/location prohibits you to do so, then e-mail is fine. I don’t personally believe in text/internet confrontations because you lose that personal connection and often many things that are said can be misinterpreted which can lead to bigger issues.
**If it is a business/formal confrontation, having it written (like e-mail) is usually best. This makes it recorded and avoids “he-said she-saids” If you can, try to do both in person/written ones**

2. Be confident, do not let the nerves get the best of you! If you’re at fault, own it. If you feel that the confrontee is at fault, express your concerns in a calm and civil way. This will make them more comfortable and susceptible to opening up to you and treating you in the same way. 🙂

3. Listen to the confrontee and give them time to speak. Just as you want your voice to be heard, they want theirs to be heard as well. If something needs clarification on their part then DEFINITELY let them speak! Don’t ramble on about yourself and how you feel without giving them room to say anything. Chances are, they will get frustrated with you and it may not end well.

4. Make sure you are calm and in a good place before approaching them! Especially if it’s regarding a heated issue. Too many times I have confronted people out of anger and it did not end well. You say things you don’t mean and usually get crazy eyes(or maybe that’s just me? Yikes!). Acting on impulse is the worst thing you can do for yourself. Make sure you give yourself enough time to let things settle and simmer before you approach them. This is probably the hardest thing to do, but practice makes perfect.

5. Be willing to compromise and be accountable for things you said/did. Yes you feel certain things for justified reasons, and yes you are on a mission to express those feelings but at the end of the day communication is a two-way street. In order to solve something you must be willing to compromise and take responsibility. Of course this is easier said than done but you gotta give your ego a break sometimes!

Follow these 5 tips and you’re golden. And also remember at the end of the day, we’re all human. You’re not perfect. The other person isn’t perfect. But you’re all human, so cut them some slack when need be and don’t sweat the small stuff. Pick your “confrontations” (because they’re not battles lmao) and you’ll be set.

I hope this helps and puts things into perspective! Do you guys have any other tips/tricks on confrontations? Or perhaps an instance where you lost it/maintained perfect poise and composure? I would love to hear your advice and experiences!

Bisous

-SH

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The Ultimate Boss Ass B*tch Guide

What I’m about to say is partly for laughs, partly serious. I assume you’ll be able to tell what I mean, when I mean it!

In this post, I will be providing you with the low down on what it means to be a B.A.B and what it takes become one. I myself try to follow these guidelines as best as I can. They not only classify you as a B.A.B but they also help you practice what are considered to be honorable qualities in our society. They also help you become a more refined version of yourself.

Alas, I have put together a quick guide on the essentials of being a B.A.B.
Being a B.A.B is not just an attitude, it’s a lifestyle. To become a B.A.B, you will need to practice 3 fundamental things:

1. A “no bullsh*t/zero tolerance attitude.” (be careful to not cross the line with being a bitch though)

2. A “kill them with kindness” motive.

3. A classy and graceful demeanor. You also know what you want and you don’t care what people think about it/you. A triple threat right there.

21st birthday present from the roomie. Perfect morning inspiration mug

21st birthday present from the roomie. Perfect morning inspiration mug

Of course, these are just the basics, but you gotta start somewhere, right? These are the tools you will need to start this transformation. How often you practice them will determine your true B.A.B status. Let’s get down and dirty:

1) Having a “no bullshit/zero tolerance attitude” does not necessarily translate into you being a bitchy, mean person. It’s actually encouraged to refrain from doing so (see #3). It simply means that you will not put up with people’s BS, their fake-nice attitude, and you will most certainly not engage in backstabbing activities with these type of people. Hence the saying “a person who talks about people to you, will talk to those same people ABOUT you”?
Yes. So please remove yourself from these situations and refrain from digging yourself into a hole you can’t get out of. There is obviously a difference between friendly banter with your friends and poking fun at each other. I’m talking nasty and grimy gossip, back stabbing, rumor spreading, shit talking type of people. That has got to go.

2) A “Kill them with Kindness” motive is also related to #1. Actually, they’re all related to each other. This mostly plays with how you handle certain situations and certain types of people. Dealing with confrontations in a civil way is of utmost importance. Whether it be in the workplace, college, school, or home. If you come across people who behave towards you in a negative manner, retaliating and stooping down to their level will make you look bad in the long run. A B.A.B should always behave in a civil manner, even if the feels are not reciprocated. That’s actually when you become stronger. You become in full control of yourself and you truly embody a Boss Ass Bitch. At that point, give yourself a round of applause, a pat on the back, and get yourself a drink. Being nice to nasty people is easier said than done. Your “haters” are the ones who you should be the nicest to even though you’d rather be socking them in the face. Don’t forget to maintain a balance and not turn this into being fake and pretentious. Just be a civil, genuine you. People will be like “damn that’s a nice ass, genuine person. What a boss ass bitch.”

3) Be classy. Always. Being classy and handling things with grace is what ties everything together with a bow AND puts the cherry on top of being a B.A.B. Having respect for yourself will almost demand respect from people around you. But you probably already know that. You gotta have your own style, know what you want, and how to get it. And even if you don’t know what you want; own it. Fake it till you make it. Pretend like you have it in order to get it, that’s what a true B.A.B will do. Now I’m not telling you to pretend you’re rich because that’s whats going to make you rich; I mean you have to exude a type of confidence that pertains to your personality. What I’m trying to say is, having class can go a long way.

As you can see above, all these rules require a balance. Too much of something can go against you.

“Good things happen to people who hustle” and B.A.B are definitely hustlers. Classy Hustlers.

With that being said, these are the tools you will need that will get you on your way to becoming a Boss Ass Bitch. Other things might include; being independent (emotionally and/or financially), hard-working, and humble. These things will come naturally as you start practicing the 3 rules I mentioned above.

Combine the 3 rules, add on your personality, flare, and style and congratulate yourself. You’ve become an elite member of the Boss Ass Bitch community.

Questions?Comments? Share below!

Bisous

-SH